queenofseers: (14)
Cassandra "scoffs with compassion" Igarashi ([personal profile] queenofseers) wrote2018-02-02 10:02 am
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This is Cassandra Igarashi. Leave a message.
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - unhappy subjects)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-08-31 07:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Ah.

[ Recognition registers on his face. It's not that he's unused to others caring about his well-being - his lot is not so sad as that, thank the gods big and small - but it's rare that someone will directly ask him about it, particularly when it comes to a death, commonplace as death has been in his life. Usually there's getting aggression out through sparring or at the shooting range or through training protocols, hauling a brother down to the soothing motions of repainting armour, or when their leaves permit it, someone coming to share a bunk.

Everything is different here. This too is different, both more direct and not. ]


I am. [ And he is. He feels awful, of course, aggrieved and tightly wound up, and it would be a lie to say that he hasn't taken it out at the shooting range or on a punching bag since everything had fallen apart. He's sad and angry and confused and aimless but even so, he's holding up. He has not flagged in upholding his professional duties, has not lagged in keeping his own space tidy and clean, has recontinued his brothers' Mando'a lessons, has been taking care of Martin to the best of his ability.

That's the very definition of holding up fine. You can mourn, yes, but it should never interfere with your duties. And this has not interfered with Rex's, as paltry as his current set of duties may be.

He sets his glass on the table with a click and sighs, quietly. When he speaks, his voice is just as quiet, though it's only low, not weak. ]


I'm angry about what happened, of course, and... I mourn Andy's death. [ It had been sudden; jarring. He wishes he could have seen her body. Knowing what he knows about her, seeing the things he has, her death still doesn't feel real. ] I'm not made of stone. I can hardly claim to be unaffected. But I'm holding up fine. Truly.

[ Perhaps the lines he's been fed about not being affected by stress, about being able to withstand any mental duress are lies - but when you believe those lies, it makes little difference at the end of the day. ]
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - at attention but in profile)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-09-01 09:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Absolutely not. All things considered, you hardly need to worry about me - you've got too much on your plate to occupy yourself with that. Besides, Archie's already been 'round. He cares too much about Martin for anything else to be the case.

[ And just like that, the moment's over. Rex had been honest with Cassandra because he's a reflexively honest man but stoicism is where he's happiest and it's where he eventually settles, expression shuttering, tone brightening. ]

I'm fine.

[ And that is, as far as he's concerned, the long and the short of it. He's fine. He always is and always has been, through worse things than this. He's not the one whose world is falling apart around him. ]

And I didn't come here to talk about myself. [ He studies her. ] Have you been eating? Not that I'm here to make you a homemade meal, but you ought to at least be getting some food in.

[ Basic self-care's usually the first to go. Rex can't cook, but he can order takeout like nobody's business. ]
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - sassin)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-09-02 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
You do realize that's not the best counterargument you've come up with, right? And ordinarily, you're pretty good at that.

[ Which is to say: he doesn't believe her. She may not be starving herself but eating's not just about calories. It's about the nutritional profile of the thing as well and, for that matter, a little bit of comfort. There's almost nothing Rex finds more comforting than a good cup of caf, and he knows the same goes for plenty of people and food, no matter what that food will be. ]

At any rate, I haven't eaten, so I may as well order something - or pick it up, if you don't care to give out your address. And in the meantime, you know I could get you unpacked in twenty minutes flat, yes?
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - thoughtful)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-09-03 03:17 am (UTC)(link)
[ Rex clicks his tongue. ] I'm not babying you. What I'm doing here now is no different from what I'd do for...

[ Ah. Never mind. Rex shakes his head. He doesn't know if she'd understand, or if she did, if she'd even appreciate the sentiment. As close as Rex is to those he's found here, he knows that he doesn't see the world the same way that he does. He moves quickly by necessity; a single month for him seems to last an age. Is it any wonder that he grows attached? And he grows attached quickly. It's the way he's always been. Either someone is one of his own, or they're not. He doesn't know how to move in half measures. It's not his way.

It's a damn good thing clones can't be Force sensitive, because he'd make a damned awful Jedi. He cares too much. And somehow, though he's not sure when it happened, that includes Cassandra.

He discards the thought, opening a menu on his communicator and shoving it Cassandra's way before rising to his feet. ]


Chinese is good. Here, you look at the menu and figure out what you want. I can at least take care of the dishware.
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - still his back)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-09-04 09:27 am (UTC)(link)
[ Hell. Of course she's going to make him say it, isn't she? It doesn't feel like the thing that ought to be said out loud. It ought to be the sort of thing that's just implicitly understood. But that's never the way it is with Cassandra, who likes to pick and tear at everything until they're down to their base elements, so perhaps he should have never expected it in the first place.

It's easier not to look at her as he unloads dishes, thoughtfully rubbing his fingertips against some of the dust while she - hopefully - busies herself with figuring out what she wants to order. ]


A brother, [ he says, stiffly. ] After undergoing a hardship.
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - arms crossed)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-09-08 01:56 am (UTC)(link)
I'm not being dramatic, [ Rex says, rolling his eyes, trying to make less of it than it is. Really, this is why he hadn't said it in the first place, and now he wishes he hadn't been so reflexively honest. To get dismissed so handily is just embarrassing, not that he had expected anything else. ] I hardly have any other frame of reference.

[ It's easier to downplay it, even if he does care about her nearly as much as he cares about many of his brothers. It's not purely dishonest either; what do ordinary people do for one another after they undergo trauma? It's only natural to go to someone, to provide conversation and solace, to provide some handy hidden contraband, human contact, make sure that they eat and drink and that their bunk is kept in order for them. He can't think of what else one would do.

Maybe most of them just ignore it. That's what the Jedi seem to do. Somehow, Rex doesn't think that his Jedi, as much as he likes and respects them, are a good example of that sort of thing. ]


...Lo mein's fine.
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - chillin i guess)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-09-10 12:53 am (UTC)(link)
[ This, at least, he can answer. ]

Ah... get some beef and broccoli as well as some form of vegetable. I eat a lot.

[ That's an understatement. If not for good manners, he can inhale an entire container of Lo Mein on his own - and that's on a good day. When particularly famished, he can pack away a lot more.

He had been expecting her to needle at him more than that. She must really not be feeling well. He cleans the rest of the dishes in relative silence as Cassandra orders and, true to his word, he's finished going through all of her dishes and silverware in that short period of time. Even so, he dallies at the sink, wiping his hands off on one of the paper towels she had sitting on the counter, considering what to say, how to improve upon matters. He suspects he was not of as much help as he wanted to be, but he should have expected that cultural differences would get between them. ]


How do you do it, then?

[ It seems a brusque, abrupt question, though Cassandra may know him well enough to know that it isn't; he's simply the sort to ruminate on a single subject for far longer than others do, and to continue the conversation as though the other party had been thinking on it as well. ]
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - still his back)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-09-14 08:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Right.

[ Unless Cassandra stops him, he's going to start folding dishtowels and putting them away. It's fine. It's kitchen gear. It's all within the same category and is, in his humble opinion, simply adjacent to taking care of the dishware.

(Really, what he needs is for Cassandra to go lie down for fifteen minutes and he can finish the whole thing. She looks like she could use it, poor thing.) ]


Providing assistance to a friend who could use the support. How do you do it?

[ It is, in essence, a smaller question and one he suspects Cassandra will catch onto: what do you need? If what he's doing now isn't it, the only way to know what to do is to gain verification from the source herself. ]
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - talkin seriously)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-09-17 04:22 am (UTC)(link)
Well. I'm hardly worried about the first two.

[ Cassandra may seem as though she has an explosive temper from speaking with her - and in many ways, she does - but she's never been at all destructive. And partying too much? No. Not a chance.

(And, frankly, he's not self-aware enough to consider how any of these can apply to him. He's too sensible for that sort of behaviour, after all, and too resilient to let things bother him more than he ought to.)

He finishes folding the last towel and shuts the drawer, each item in its place. ]


Though if you want to discuss anything else - [ though this doesn't apply to Cassandra either; Rex knows what the problem is, and it's that di'kut Woden burning down the very house he'd built for himself ] - my door's open.

[ She won't want to now. She won't want to in the future. He knows that, sees the way she's propped up on the table, defeated, sees the way she's rubbing at her temple. She's underneath a great deal more stress than she can reasonably deal with. ]

If you want to rest before the food arrives, feel free. I'm the intruder here, and I'm perfectly capable of entertaining myself.

[ Read: perfectly capable of cleaning the rest of this place up. ]
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - sassin)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-09-18 08:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Keep it in mind, Cassandra. Really.

[ She ought to give it more thought than she's giving it right now. Rex isn't what he'd call touchy-feely, nor is he particularly good at discussing feelings, but everyone needs an outlet. Even him. There has to be at least one person you can confide in when the going gets tough and he's not confident that Cassandra has that outside of those that are intimately involved in her affairs. It has affected Rex, true, but he wasn't involved. It's why he treasures his friendship with Cody so much. Sometimes you just need an outside point of view.

Of course, when she catches him out, he pauses. He doesn't even have the good grace of looking at all guilty. ]


I'll have you know that I like cleaning.
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - rex goes back to his homewor)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-09-21 07:27 pm (UTC)(link)
I'll take that as a compliment.

[ Which he does, really. There's nothing wrong with keeping things nice and tidy and he's always been detail-oriented, focused on making sure that things aren't just going passably well but that things are done right. Sometimes that means hours poring over stratagems with Cody and sometimes that means making sure everything's in its place. ]

Can't it be both? I'd hardly waste my time if not for the end product but I don't mind the process. It's relaxing.

[ Of course that's how Rex relaxes. ]
ct_7567: (NO HELMET - arms crossed and looking sli)

[personal profile] ct_7567 2018-09-24 09:39 pm (UTC)(link)
If you say so. You may well feel better once this is taken care of.

[ Clean spaces are good for you, in Rex's professional opinion. The longer the to-do list, the more unease you'll feel until you've at least managed to pare it down. His to-do list is almost never done back home - there's always more to do, no matter what - but he always felt better being proactive about it, even when ostensibly in recovery. ]

Why don't you take care of the mugs? [ He says, passing the box over and getting started on a new one. Clothes. Somehow, he thinks she'll appreciate him rummaging through them and getting them washed and pressed less than Andy does - which is to say, Andy accepts it without any complaint and Cassandra probably isn't fond of the idea of him rifling through her things.

(Did. At this point, he's just cleaning her clothes for his own peace of mind, as though she'll show up needing something clean to wear for tomorrow. Stupid thing to do. He ought to be more mature than that.) ]


Have you always lived alone, then? Or is this a first?

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