queenofseers | ic inbox (mask or menace)

So. Rex got you up to speed, right.

On the adoption shit, I'm assuming? Yeah.

[ That said, it's not normal for Andy to call her out of the blue. What's the deal here...? ]

What about it?

Great. One less conversation you and I need to have.

[ Because she hasn't forgotten their last conversation, and she expects Cass hasn't either. Maybe they're just destined to never get along, ever. ]

Just making sure so I can put you down as Martin's emergency contact, in case anything happens to me and Rex.

You can. But- I told Rex I can’t be the only one you put down. Not when people get ported out left and right around here. And when I’m probably going to be dead within a couple months.

[ She’s already explained this to Rex, and it’s a different kind of exhausting with Andy. They’re not as close, but Andy’s much more critical. ]

I’m not letting Martin deal with that alone, if something happens to the two of you.

[ That's a thought she fucking hates having sober: That something might easily happen to her and Rex, then Cassandra falls victim to the catch in her godhood and they all leave Martin alone. Fuck's sake. Times like this, she wonders if she's done the right thing by trying at all.

Finally: ]

Have you told Martin yet?

Yeah. A few months ago. He...

[ She sighs. She doesn’t like to remember that day at all. ]

It could have gone worse, I guess. But it’s not like he’s spurned me completely or anything, so maybe he’s gotten used to the idea. As much as he can with something like that. I don’t know.

You said whoever this happened to before came back "intact." What's to say that won't happen for you?

Oh, nothing. But I’m not going to pretend there’s not a chance I won’t come back. Not when it could completely blindside Martin if I don’t.

[ She says it bluntly, but that’s hard to admit. She’s been banking on returning- it’s how she’s coped. But she can’t deny that maybe...

She huffs, trying to bury the thought. ]

Even if I probably will, I still have to tell him the dying’s going to happen in the first place. You can’t just completely brush that off.

[ Andy probably isn't the best person to have this conversation with. Or any conversation revolving around the subject of death. She just doesn't have the same sense of it as other people anymore. ]

I don't know. We could've just told him you were going on vacation. [ Is she serious? Hard to tell when she's always so dry. ] Sometimes softening the truth is the lesser of two evils.

Ah, yes, I just went to a farm upstate. Like that would help his abandonment issues.

[ Not that this is any better. ]

He deserves the truth, Andy. And I know you know that.

Do I? Sometimes a lie is kinder.

[ Says Andy, a known liar. ]

But it doesn't matter. He already knows. It's just dealing with the fallout now.

I don’t think it ever is.

[ A very different outlook, but that’s the way she is. ]

Look, I...what are you going to do, when it happens? Rex keeps acting like we’ll find some way to prevent it from happening, and I’d love that, but I don’t know if we have the time to figure it out. It’s two months.

Guess you're young enough to still talk in absolutes.

[ Andy's shrug is practically audible. ]

If Rex thinks he can stop it somehow, then I'll do whatever he asks me to, but I gave up trying to have any power over death a long fucking time ago. You'd be the one to know if there's something we can do about it.

The thing is, I don’t. We haven’t gotten there back in my world, and I wasn’t here when it happened to someone the last time. They barely told me anything about that, and it didn’t last long. It-

[ There’s a pause. She’s thinking of the circumstances of Inanna’s death, then- their sudden swing towards violence, ending with Persephone putting them out. She hadn’t tried to think of what she’d do if she became that way. She didn’t think she’d have anyone she’d trust to ask.

Maybe she does. ]

...Andy. Don’t fucking laugh. What if you- what if you end up trying to kill me?

[ Flatly: ]

Why the hell would I end up doing that.

[ Cassandra sighs, and there’s a pause longer than usual for her. If they were on video, Andy would be able to see her face scrunch up, trying to fight back any potent sense of feeling. ]

When it did happen here...the person got violent, before they died. Moreso than usual. And I knew them enough to know it wasn’t something they’d come to otherwise. So- if that happens to me-

[ Considering how little she leans toward violent actions compared to those around her? She can’t comprehend changing that way. But it’s always possible. And she has a feeling the people she cares about won’t be prepared for that. ]

I don’t want to put anyone in danger. Including the people I live with. We can’t- that can’t happen.

You know the one thing that could make you dying worse?

[ Her voice hardly inflects at all. And yet, it's sharp somehow. ]

Me having to kill you in front of Martin. And you're trying to tell me there's a non-zero possibility it's going to come to that.

[ Cassandra knows she shouldn’t be offended, and yet the tone enters her voice anyway, unable to hide that the idea hurts her. ]

Look- I know. I fucking get it. Maybe I was an idiot for moving in with him and Rex in the first place! [ Even though they’d wanted her, even though she moved in to reassure Martin that dying wouldn’t mean she wanted to leave him. ] What I’m saying is, there’s a chance I could lose my shit, and someone ought to make sure I’m not around to have that happen in front of Martin or in front of someone else innocent or whatever the hell.

[ She huffs. ] We’re not close or anything, Andy. Maybe- maybe it should be you. If you could.

Tell me how I'm supposed to keep a rampaging god from doing whatever the hell she wants. You know realistically that I'm only fucking human right? I don't have any fancy powers —

[ But she's starting to actually sound angry, and gods forbid that her and Cassandra should get through any one conversation without going for each other's throats. Andy forces herself to take a deliberate breath and slow down. ]

I'll talk to Danger. Get her take. She's a god-killer. She might have some ideas.

I’m not a god! Not a fucking real one. A bullet will take me if you can catch me performing- who knows if I will be at that point. And there’s probably plenty of superpowers that could kill me here. It’s not-

[ She’s talking about being killed. ]

...It’s not hard. And- fine, talk to Danger. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, but if that’s her deal, then fine.

So what then, I'm just supposed to straight up shoot you, and that's that?

[ A little frustration swells in Andy's voice, even though she doesn't raise it. ]

You can't just go somewhere and ride this out? [ Alone. Though maybe that's a cruel thought to have. ]

I-

[ She’d had the thought briefly, but this is approaching sooner than she’d prepared for, and Cassandra hadn’t truly begun to think about what she’d do when this was to happen- not in terms of specifics. She wants to be defensive, and she is; she hates it when Andy pries like this, when they should get along after everything they’ve experienced.

But in this case...? Her voice softens. ]

I don’t know where I’d go. I...I could. If that’s what we need to do. If that’s what you fucking want.

Look, I don't want anything here, okay? Nobody wants any of this. But I'm betting what you don't want is to be a threat to my son.

[ But the hard edge of her voice eases ever so slightly when she goes on: ]

If you go, I can come. Whatever happens, it's not likely that you'd be able to do any permanent damage. And that way you don't have to face it alone.

I don't. It's the last fucking thing I want.

[ And despite how much softer she sounded a moment ago, she sounds convinced of that. ]

You don't have to...be nice to me for it or whatever, Andy. If I find somewhere to go, I'll just go. I don't want you fretting over me or whatever the fuck you think you'll have to do.

You think this is me being nice? If I was being nice, I'd spare you having to hash out the details of how you're going to die and I'm going to have to do damage control.

[ There's a telltale clicking noise that betrays Andy lighting a cigarette on her end. ]

It's not fretting. I'm too fucking old and tired for that. But this is going to affect the people I care about most in this shithole world, so you better believe I'm going to be involved.

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