queenofseers | ic inbox (mask or menace)

Ah, yes, I just went to a farm upstate. Like that would help his abandonment issues.

[ Not that this is any better. ]

He deserves the truth, Andy. And I know you know that.

Do I? Sometimes a lie is kinder.

[ Says Andy, a known liar. ]

But it doesn't matter. He already knows. It's just dealing with the fallout now.

I don’t think it ever is.

[ A very different outlook, but that’s the way she is. ]

Look, I...what are you going to do, when it happens? Rex keeps acting like we’ll find some way to prevent it from happening, and I’d love that, but I don’t know if we have the time to figure it out. It’s two months.

Guess you're young enough to still talk in absolutes.

[ Andy's shrug is practically audible. ]

If Rex thinks he can stop it somehow, then I'll do whatever he asks me to, but I gave up trying to have any power over death a long fucking time ago. You'd be the one to know if there's something we can do about it.

The thing is, I don’t. We haven’t gotten there back in my world, and I wasn’t here when it happened to someone the last time. They barely told me anything about that, and it didn’t last long. It-

[ There’s a pause. She’s thinking of the circumstances of Inanna’s death, then- their sudden swing towards violence, ending with Persephone putting them out. She hadn’t tried to think of what she’d do if she became that way. She didn’t think she’d have anyone she’d trust to ask.

Maybe she does. ]

...Andy. Don’t fucking laugh. What if you- what if you end up trying to kill me?

[ Flatly: ]

Why the hell would I end up doing that.

[ Cassandra sighs, and there’s a pause longer than usual for her. If they were on video, Andy would be able to see her face scrunch up, trying to fight back any potent sense of feeling. ]

When it did happen here...the person got violent, before they died. Moreso than usual. And I knew them enough to know it wasn’t something they’d come to otherwise. So- if that happens to me-

[ Considering how little she leans toward violent actions compared to those around her? She can’t comprehend changing that way. But it’s always possible. And she has a feeling the people she cares about won’t be prepared for that. ]

I don’t want to put anyone in danger. Including the people I live with. We can’t- that can’t happen.

You know the one thing that could make you dying worse?

[ Her voice hardly inflects at all. And yet, it's sharp somehow. ]

Me having to kill you in front of Martin. And you're trying to tell me there's a non-zero possibility it's going to come to that.

[ Cassandra knows she shouldn’t be offended, and yet the tone enters her voice anyway, unable to hide that the idea hurts her. ]

Look- I know. I fucking get it. Maybe I was an idiot for moving in with him and Rex in the first place! [ Even though they’d wanted her, even though she moved in to reassure Martin that dying wouldn’t mean she wanted to leave him. ] What I’m saying is, there’s a chance I could lose my shit, and someone ought to make sure I’m not around to have that happen in front of Martin or in front of someone else innocent or whatever the hell.

[ She huffs. ] We’re not close or anything, Andy. Maybe- maybe it should be you. If you could.

Tell me how I'm supposed to keep a rampaging god from doing whatever the hell she wants. You know realistically that I'm only fucking human right? I don't have any fancy powers —

[ But she's starting to actually sound angry, and gods forbid that her and Cassandra should get through any one conversation without going for each other's throats. Andy forces herself to take a deliberate breath and slow down. ]

I'll talk to Danger. Get her take. She's a god-killer. She might have some ideas.

I’m not a god! Not a fucking real one. A bullet will take me if you can catch me performing- who knows if I will be at that point. And there’s probably plenty of superpowers that could kill me here. It’s not-

[ She’s talking about being killed. ]

...It’s not hard. And- fine, talk to Danger. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, but if that’s her deal, then fine.

So what then, I'm just supposed to straight up shoot you, and that's that?

[ A little frustration swells in Andy's voice, even though she doesn't raise it. ]

You can't just go somewhere and ride this out? [ Alone. Though maybe that's a cruel thought to have. ]

I-

[ She’d had the thought briefly, but this is approaching sooner than she’d prepared for, and Cassandra hadn’t truly begun to think about what she’d do when this was to happen- not in terms of specifics. She wants to be defensive, and she is; she hates it when Andy pries like this, when they should get along after everything they’ve experienced.

But in this case...? Her voice softens. ]

I don’t know where I’d go. I...I could. If that’s what we need to do. If that’s what you fucking want.

Look, I don't want anything here, okay? Nobody wants any of this. But I'm betting what you don't want is to be a threat to my son.

[ But the hard edge of her voice eases ever so slightly when she goes on: ]

If you go, I can come. Whatever happens, it's not likely that you'd be able to do any permanent damage. And that way you don't have to face it alone.

I don't. It's the last fucking thing I want.

[ And despite how much softer she sounded a moment ago, she sounds convinced of that. ]

You don't have to...be nice to me for it or whatever, Andy. If I find somewhere to go, I'll just go. I don't want you fretting over me or whatever the fuck you think you'll have to do.

You think this is me being nice? If I was being nice, I'd spare you having to hash out the details of how you're going to die and I'm going to have to do damage control.

[ There's a telltale clicking noise that betrays Andy lighting a cigarette on her end. ]

It's not fretting. I'm too fucking old and tired for that. But this is going to affect the people I care about most in this shithole world, so you better believe I'm going to be involved.

[ Cassandra huffs at the sound of the lighter- she tends to associate cigarrettes with acting ignorant at this point, even if the person isn’t actually doing so. ]

What I’m saying is you don’t need to keep an eye on me. I mean, what are you going to do? Have fist fights with me until I collapse? You all might as well lock me in a fucking cage at that point.

[ She doesn’t actually want that. But she wants someone else to feel miserable right now. Guilty. ]

What do you want me to do, Cassandra? Because it doesn't sound like you know.

No, Andy, I don't know how I want to die!

[ She's been emotional for most of this conversation, but this is the first point her voice crackles with true anger, less at Andy than herself, though she wouldn't realize that. ]

I just- I- keep me away from them. If you have to. Can that be all? Please?

It's your death. You powers. You have to make some fucking decisions, because I can't do it for you. It's not my responsibility. Martin is my responsibility. Which is the only reason I'm even humoring the idea that I should have some duty to keep you away from him, even though you could do the exact same thing by walking away.

I told you my solution. You have to choose.

[ There’s a long moment of silence. None of this was something she wanted to acknowledge, to even deal with-

But Andy is right. Why should she keep putting this away? It’s an avoidance of responsibility. And she’s always claimed to be the responsible one.

Still, it takes the breath out of her, and when she finally responds her voice comes softly. ]

Yeah. Yeah, okay, I- I’ll get back to you. I’ll figure it out.

[ She already sounds like her mind is somewhere else. ]

[ That was unnecessary. Cruel. Even if she was right, she shouldn't have said it like that. But it's too late to take it back now. ]

Okay. Fine.

[ These words are inadequate. Maybe she should try harder. Remind Cass that she matters — to Martin and Rex, but to Andy too, in a different way. But at length, instead: ]

Call me or something.

Yeah. Fine.

[ And she clicks off the feed.

She's not going to cry or anything. It's fine. ]

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