[a good deal of tension ebbs off in an exhale the moment she says they're not going to talk about it anymore. having said anything at all still has his stomach and mind all stirred up, but if the pressure of having to make an account for his entire life is gone, he can at least breathe a little.
being that close to sputtering all his most grave failures and fears is scary. she can say it's fine all day and night if she wants, but it'd never not be scary. he wouldn't be just simple-minded and uncultured -- he'd also be a tremendous liability and failure. he hasn't messed up that badly here, not yet, and he doesn't want to; opening his mouth and sharing it might just make it happen somehow.
it takes a bit more coaxing for him to tilt against her, and even then, his elbows never leave the table, nor does his head lift back up. unfolding out of crumpled-up distress is a process, because moving too quickly will just disorient and ignite new unease. like how none of this should've really happened, or how stupid he looks the way he is.
it's better staying smaller, without looking. the weight of Cass' arm helps.]
no subject
being that close to sputtering all his most grave failures and fears is scary. she can say it's fine all day and night if she wants, but it'd never not be scary. he wouldn't be just simple-minded and uncultured -- he'd also be a tremendous liability and failure. he hasn't messed up that badly here, not yet, and he doesn't want to; opening his mouth and sharing it might just make it happen somehow.
it takes a bit more coaxing for him to tilt against her, and even then, his elbows never leave the table, nor does his head lift back up. unfolding out of crumpled-up distress is a process, because moving too quickly will just disorient and ignite new unease. like how none of this should've really happened, or how stupid he looks the way he is.
it's better staying smaller, without looking. the weight of Cass' arm helps.]